Eroticism and intimacy: How to keep both in a long-term relationship

During relationships, you can get to experience phases where intimacy sets aside eroticism. How to achieve a balance of both?

Why do many long-term relationships end up leaving eroticism aside? Is eroticism only possible during the infatuation phase of a relationship? Of course not, but the truth is that many stable couples can leave aside the eroticism while maintaining a good relationship of intimacy, even vice versa.

eroticism and intimacy: Are they incompatible?

It does not have to be that way since, in fact, they are a perfect match. No one can deny that emotional closeness and sexual attraction are the basis of happiness as a couple. However, why does it sometimes seem that they are like the dog and the cat?

The reasons can be diverse and evidently, the experience of each couple is different, so it is difficult to generalize. But the truth is that there are some aspects that are common in some couples and that can give some clue about the reason why intimacy and eroticism have been dissociated in the relationship.

In fact, in order to rediscover the balance between eroticism and intimacy, it is essential to review the reasons why the couple has reached a point where eroticism or intimacy is no longer an essential part of their lives. Here are some tips to maintain the eroticism and intimacy in the relationship, based on common reasons why couples leave aside one of the two.

Reconsider your beliefs about sex

One of the biggest problems couples face is their own ideas and beliefs about what sex and love mean.

The idea that eroticism is only part of the initial phase of falling in love or that a solid relationship is built exclusively on the basis of emotional intimacy only limits the enrichment and experience of the couple.

So if this is your case, put aside those preconceived ideas and begin to perceive love and sex as a whole whose existence as a whole will bring much more happiness to your relationship.

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Develop creativity

The daily routine, work, children … sometimes occupy almost 100% of the time of a couple, mainly their priorities, so that this leaves aside the creativity, essential for there to be eroticism in a relationship and even the Intimacy is fully developed.

Begin to spend a few minutes a day imagining … erotic thoughts about what you would like to do as a couple, ideas on how you could increase your intimate experience … Once you feel ready, communicate your ideas, erotic dreams, and illusions regarding the relationship.

Allow the vulnerability

Allowing oneself to be vulnerable to the other is an act of love and trust that not all couples tend to cultivate. In fact, the cuirasses are usually one of the reasons why many couples park the intimacy or eroticism of their life in common.

Being vulnerable means letting go, letting go of control, recognizing fears and doubts, recognizing what we really want and like, both sexually and emotionally.

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Reflect on your sexuality

Finally, it is essential that each of you make a reflection on what eroticism and intimacy mean for you, since the first step to have a balance between these two important aspects in your relationship, is that you get to know yourselves.

Reflect on what you understand by concepts such as sex, sexuality, eroticism, intimacy, the relationship of the couple, emotional health (as a couple) … Think about the gender roles that you have acquired during your education, mainly in school, church, and family, as well as through external constraints such as the media or friends.

Begin alone to ask yourself some key questions such as what limits me, what I feel comfortable with or not, I enjoy sex or not, what are my biggest insecurities, what is my attitude during sex (offer pleasure or what I offer), what expectations I have when we have sex or with respect to communication in the relationship … etc.

Above all, remember that communication in the couple is essential for this to survive and can form a bond in which both intimacy and eroticism are present during the relationship.

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